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Comment by Kathy Meade on August 25, 2009 at 3:05pm

The Western New York Chapter of WAPC will hold meetings the third Wednesday of each month, beginning in September. The meetings are open to all women, regardless of where your loved one was treated or your relationship to him.

Join us at our September kick-off meeting to learn more about the group, network with other women dealing with prostate cancer, and ask questions of guest speaker, Megan Pailler, PhD, medical psychologist at Roswell Park. Dr. Pailler will speak about “intimacy after prostate cancer treatment,” addressing issues that can arise from treatment side effects, such as erectile dysfunction.

Date: Wednesday, September 23

Time: 7 pm – 8:30 pm

Place: Roswell Park Cancer Institute Amherst Center
100 College Parkway, Suite 290
Williamsville, NY 14221

Topic: Intimacy after Prostate Cancer Treatment
Speaker: Megan Pailler

Kindly RSVP by calling 1-877-ASK-RPCI (1-877-275-7724) or e-mailing askrpci@roswellpark.org by Friday, September 18th.

More Upcoming Meetings:
Date Speaker Topic
Oct. 21 Carrie Silliman, NP What Men Don't Want to Talk About and Women Want to Learn More About (Physiology of ED)
Nov. 18 Linda Leising Proper Nutrition During and After Prostate Cancer
Dec. 16 TBD Yoga, Relaxation and Meditation for the Caregiver

Comment by Marc Turgeon on June 30, 2009 at 11:23am

Sorry about the past Nat. Put it behind you, there is nothing you can do about it and move on. The best thing you can do about that is say to your Dad, I forgive you, sincerely forgive, and begin a closer relationship with love. This will help him to recover as well.

Also sorry to hear about the cancer situation. The shock, the loneliness the apparent black hole of self. How old is your Father and how old are you if you don't mind my asking? Is he a physically, emotionally and mentally a strong person? It may seem like imminate death but it is not and one must be as optimistic as possible and have courage to work with and beat The Big C.

Things will begin to develop for both of you in this strange world of cancer. With the various support groups that are filled with support for emotions, spiritual, sexual, knowledge of your Father's specific cancer treatments, intimacy, new friendships, tips and relational devements.

Yes, it will be difficult atr first to talk about the privacy issues for both of you. But that will open up as you are #1 family and #2 mature adults. Nothing embarrasing as you will see even in the forum discussions that are out there now. The support conversations get at times very intimate with someone that you have never seen or will ever see perhaps. This is not bad, it is a welcome sigh of relief, we are all in the same arena and have these issues in common. You are your Dad's main support, place yourself on the same level (not father-daughter in a sence) and have those intimate discussions with him. He will need this support and talk it out with someone he can trust - YOU. Don't expect the URO's and PA's to be that sincere personal.

It sounds like one thing that you did not have all of those years is deep open discussion with your father. Begin doing so and your relationship will bloom at even a faster rate that you would ever expect. If the discussion leads to personal private stuff, then so be it (and it will). He needs that respected support because it is dealing directly with his private intimacy which he deeply wats to share with someone so that they can understand what he is feeling. Draw it out if that is the case and you will make a bonding relationship of true love. Get yourself on board, be as knowledgeable as possible even if it does not turn you on. This will help both of you get through this. You have a great start here. There are other great forums on this specific prostate cancer issue and we can help you with those also.

I am about to be 65, had DaVinci RP 5 February 2007. I have a feeling of where you are coming from at this stage. The intimacy issue was a problem to start out with as I also was a very private person. But, now I am very open to discuss anything as I know it help me in my (our) healing and helps make everything fresh with nothing hidden or kept inside that can tie you up in knots as you know.

You and your father have our support. Please keep us in the know and if it is more appealing, a personal email can be sent to any of us here. God Bless and you will be in our prayers. Keep us informed and on how we can help. All will be well!
Marc
PS: Be strong One Day at a Time, no more, and be thankful for that day.

Comment by Dana on June 30, 2009 at 10:44am

Welcome Nat (but sorry you have to be here). Please don't think you are whining.. it's important to share, especially when you first get the diagnosis. I think it's normal to start at the cemetery and then work your way backwards (I know hubby and I did!). We're 4 years post RP and radiation and he's still kicking. Hang in there.

Comment by Nat on June 30, 2009 at 7:00am

Im not a wife or partner. I am the only daughter. Dad divorced many years ago - so Im "it". So, Dad and I got the news just over a week ago. Not that our relationship was roses to begin with - this has put the pressure on us both to try to bury the hatchet and find some common ground.
Dad has 5 tumours. T2c grade and an average Gleason of 7 - PSA was 50 - which had steadily rose over a number of weeks before the Biopsy.
Neither can come to terms with this horrible news - we call the cancer "The Big C". He is scheduled for his redical prostectomy.
Talking about your waterworks must be difficult for any Man. I think this is true of my Dad also - afterall I am his daughter and those things ARE private.
Being so soon to diagnosis - it is all very raw for both of us. Neither of us enjoy speaking about it - and we both get very upset. You just cant help but think at first, that this kind of news is a death sentence.
Thankyou in advance for reading my 'whinge',,, My prayers and thoughts are with all those with the big C-word and their families. Peace!

Comment by Holly on May 16, 2009 at 1:17pm

My husband was diagnosed with Prostate cancer 6/08 at the age of 44. He had a prostatectomy 10/08. His initial psa was 22.8, Gleason 7, Stage TC1. There were positive surgical margins, his post surgery psa has been increasing it was .19 ng/ml so he started IGRT 5/13/09. It feels like we're are starting back at square one!

Comment by Chuck Gallagher on December 2, 2008 at 9:24pm

I just interviewed a lady who was for all practical purposes a newlywed and found out soon thereafter that her husband had cancer. I would be happy to connect you to her. Send me an e-mail directly and I'll be happy to help with the connection. chuck@chuckgallagher.com

Comment by artsychick on December 2, 2008 at 2:21pm

Would love to hear if anyone can relate to my story - or has some great words of wisdom for someone began the journey as a newlywed and feel a heck of a lot older less than three years - and two more bouts of my hub's cancer later! :)

Comment by Kathy Meade on May 7, 2008 at 11:57am

http://tinyurl.com/62n2uh

The Sixth Annual Cancer Survivorship Series: Living With, Through and Beyond Cancer, Part II: Rediscovering Intimacy in Your Relationships Following Treatment
Sign up for this Telephone Education Workshop now.

Date: May 13, 2008 Time: 1:30 p.m. - 2:30 p.m. ET Presented By:
Debra Thaler-De Mers
BSN, RN, OCN, Cancer Survivor, Staff Nurse, Hematology/Oncology, Oncology Nursing Society Chemotherapy Trainer, Stanford University Medical Center
Sarah S. Auchincloss
MD, Associate Attending Psychiatrist, New York-Presbyterian Hospital, Weill Medical College of Cornell University, Consultant in Psychiatry, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center
Sharon L. Bober
PhD, Director, Sexual Health Program, Perini Family Survivors' Center, Dana-Farber Cancer Institute/Harvard Medical School
Presented in partnership with:
• National Cancer Institute
• Lance Armstrong Foundation
• Intercultural Cancer Council
• Living Beyond Breast Cancer
• National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship
This program is made possible by:
• National Cancer Institute and Lance Armstrong Foundation.

Comment by Angela Jenkins on April 30, 2008 at 11:39pm

Welcome to the group. It appears finding Dr. Krongrad has been a lifesaver for many of us. We are all part of this unique community of families touched by PC. It has changed our lives forever and it's great to have this format for the wives to talk. Look forward to hearing more from you.

Comment by Shirley Bricker on April 30, 2008 at 11:23pm

I remember in '84 when we were told our son had hydrocephalus. I had no clue what it was, and they basically gave me a coloring book to read. Then they showed me a cabbage patch doll that had a shunt, and from that we were to know what to expect and they took our son in for surgery.

Alot has changed! When Dave was told he had PC, his doctor sent him to a urologist up in Indianapolis. The doctor told him he would go in and remove the prostate and both nerve bundles, and scheduled the surgery date for 6 weeks later. I came home thinking WHAT is going on??? I started reading as much as I could on the internet, and called the office the next day asking if we could schedule another appt. with the urologist because I had lots of questions. The receptionist asked me why I didn't ask them the day before. Let's see. I had just been told my husband has cancer, I was crying, and I really wasn't sure if I even knew what a prostate was for.

Anyway, she said she'd speak to the doctor and get back with me. I called the office and left messages 3 more times when I never heard back.

In the mean time I'd found out about the laproscopic surgery and Dave and I discussed it. We felt that was definately the 'better' choice. Now, who to have do it? I decided to look into who wrote the book on it. 3 guys. I looked them each up. One was still in France. Hmmm... getting Dave to leave the country? Not a chance. One was at Sloan-Kettering. I contacted the office and was told it would take at least 2 visits to NY. One for a consultation, and the 2nd for surgery. We were looking at at least 2 - 3 months. Then I contacted Dr. Krongrad. I actually emailed him... at night... and within 30 minutes we got a reply! He told us to call his office and give Hope our information. Yikes! This sounded good! From there it all came together. (Yes, the Urologist finally did get back to us from Indianapolis about a week before we left for Miami.)

Dr. Krongrad and his staff explained everything to us. It was so much better going into this surgery knowing what to expect, unlike our sons surgery in '84. (BTW our son is doing great. He's 23, single, and looking for the right gal....)

I'm thankful for the internet, and groups like this where we can share our experiences and learn from each other.

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