Younger Men

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Comment by Steve L. on October 10, 2009 at 11:04am

Bryan,

I think all of us want to hear "good news" and so your message of gratitude and hope is definitely worth sharing. We're all on the same path, some of us moving more deliberately and as I've come to learn, so many different circumstances are in play.

Like you, I've had what I would consider an outstanding recovery physically. I managed my own expectations very strictly, knowing that disappointment comes in direct proportion to how reasonable I am in projecting out beyond today.

I do take it a day at a time and thinking back seven months it's hard to believe I ever had a problem. We are amongst the most fortunate as far as post-op recovery and like you I try and stay humble about things.

Bottom line for me is that coming into this pre-op I was worried, as we all were, and it was in reading about positive outcomes and talking to those who had been thru it before me that I was able to settle down. Faith, prayer, support of friends and loved ones all fueled my natural optimism. Confidence in Dr Laudone and MSKCC to get me thru...all these elements played a part.

In the final analysis I have to remember that getting rid of the cancer was my priority at the outset and remains the long term goal. Getting past the mental and emotional barrier of wondering "what if things don't go well etc?" and trusting I had made the right choice of doctor, treatment and then letting God take over was key. I can't control my future but for it being a consequence of my actions today.

So, you have shared great news, hopeful news and just like it was vital for me to hear these stories when I was still coming to grips with being diagnosed, so too I'd expect others will draw inspiration from your update.

Every morning and evening I thank God for my good fortune and pray for everyone in our shoes. I'm sure you do too and as more time passes it remains important to share all the news, good or bad. That's why we came here, for empathy, hope, information and understanding.

In six months I will go back for my next PSA test so once again, my ultimate goal, the one that makes all other things possible, remaining cancer free, has to be first and foremost. I have heard from many men who've had varying experiences with ED but one thing I know from having done all the homework upfront, there are good reasons to remain hopeful where you are on this path.

Be well, stay hopeful, keep sharing.

Peace...and good health.
Steve

Comment by Bryan Caldwell on September 27, 2009 at 11:22am

Fellow Warriors,

Just wanted to inform the group on what has been "up" with me post-op. Surgery RLRP "nerve sparing" performed 8/19/09. Gleason score 3+3=6 high grade PIN in many of cores,one core with cancer found.
Cath. out 12 days after surgery. I had my first "idea" of an erection 3 days after the cath was out. Incontinence was not as bad as expected. As of right now I am not using any protection except some folded over toilet paper for the random dribble or when I get tired or move weird. This does happen several times a day and I was instructed to use the bathroom every hour to retrain things. I haven't done that very well but as best I can.
I own a Body Shop so I was able to slowly come back to work. I did go into work the day after the cath was removed and have been into work every working day since that time. Reduced my hours the first two weeks but have returned to full time and "had" to work out in the shop this past week hard core. Was careful but was able to perform well to keep things on track. Peed myself alittle when I lifted or exerted myself to much but am getting use to the reality of this nuisance and know that over time this to shall pass.....darn puns....sorry.
The next bit of news I share in the most humble of attitudes. I fully understand the depth of pain and frustration this causes and I share this to encourage men that this can happen, but it is not as common as we would all like it to be. Interested in seeing what was happening "down there" the weekend after the cath was removed I asked around this site to see if trying to get it up was to soon or a bad idea. Getting the green light I conceived my wife to help me out and was able to achieve a substantial erection. She didn't want to break anything so we stopped short of orgasm(we did not have intercourse) We were amazed at this event and were very encouraged.
Here were it gets interesting. the next weekend we had alittle champiagn...romance..ect.....Eager to try things out "for real" I was able to have an erection and instead of easing into it we went for it. The erection was good enough to have intercourse but it wore out fairly quickly. I was extremely happy with this and not to put to much pressure on myself we stopped and returned to our romantic evening. About 45 mins later and the campaign nearly gone we started up again. THIS time we both went for it. Not only was the erection full on but I think she got rug burn from the duration AND I was able to achieve orgasm.
I humbly share this knowing this is not the way it usually goes and have felt guilty knowing the struggles out there. As you can see by the time frame I have waited sometime in even posting this.
But I understand the fear going into the decision to have surgery. As men "handing" over your sexual function to a complete stranger is a rough thing to do. Also with NO guarantee of outcome this can be overwhelming. The priority does come down to beating this fricking cancer. Not only for yourself but for all those who love and support you. My prayers and support go out to everyone effected by this cancer. I have been forever changed by it,strengthened by it and have been the recipient of amazing love and compassion by my family and friends. As well as many friends on this site.

Strength to my fellow warriors, Bryan

Comment by Emerson T. Knowles on September 13, 2009 at 9:15pm

Gary,

I know this is really scary right now but please take note of all of us on this and many other blogs. We all went through it, we all talk about it and 99% of us go on with our lives after it is over... You are not alone! Take heart in all the success around you.

Keep the faith, we are here for you. Emerson

Comment by Emerson T. Knowles on September 13, 2009 at 9:11pm

Bryan,

As I read your report it is VERY similar to my experience five years ago. I went from pads to drips and then a drip or two with a lot of time between. Being tired is still a factor five years later even thought I am in the best shape I have ever been. As to the ED, your nerves did get a jolt and "pudgy" can be the name of the game for a while. I have heard that from a lot of guys and for some it wore off right away, some over time and some never... but the little pills work. And work just fine for most of us. Don't give it a second thought if you end up with them. My Dr. gave me samples of all the different brands and told me to take them for a "test drive". Now that was the best set of test drives I have ever had! All jokes aside, you sound right on track... I am a bit over five years ahead of you and my health is fantastic, I don't pee on myself and the pills are there if I need them... life is good. And, most of all we are all alive to talk about it!

You are doing great! Emerson

Comment by Steve L. on September 13, 2009 at 6:51pm

Gary,

Hang in there my fellow brother of this most unwanted society. You're in a safe place here and we've all had our dark moments.

Here's what I've learned. Courage is not the absence of fear it's the willingness to proceed despite the fear. Give yourself some credit for being courageous, facing up to this challenge and moving ahead. It takes guts.

We're here for you.

Peace...Steve

Comment by Bryan Caldwell on September 13, 2009 at 5:20pm

Steve,

I just love the creative metaphors we come up with when discussing "sensitive" material. It just adds a layer of depth and sophistication to the topic.
Thanks for the input. I just wanted to make sure I had things well in hand on the "stimulus" package I was discussing.....oops...I did it again......
The launch sequence.....I'll have to use that one with my wife.......T- minus 30 seconds and counting.........prepare to make ready.........

Peace, Bryan

Comment by Gary D on September 13, 2009 at 4:13pm

I haven't left a comment here as I am a "newbie" at this. All I know is that my anxiety level is as high as a kite. However, I go tomorrow to meet with the head of the Glickman Cancer Center of the Cleveland Clinic and feel my fears will slow down somewhat. This is a journey I did not want, nor did I sak for it.
As I already suffer from depression and posttramic stress disorder, I do understand ED due to the medications I am on....I am glad for modern science.

Comment by Steve L. on September 13, 2009 at 12:44pm

Bryan,

Listen to your instincts and trust your body to tell you when it's time to chill out. The squirts are happening when you're tired. Simple math.

ED in some form and frequency is natural for most men as we age, like it or not and while there will always be exceptions, it's simple biological fact which doesn't take much thinking to comprehend. Obviously, eating well and staying fit matter and there's clinical research to confirm that older men who are slim and fit will retain both functional satisfaction and potency longer than others who do not. Genetics is likely part of the equation.

My dad's 92 and works several days a week, is slim and strong with a straight back and a firm handshake. He retains a twinkle in his eye and while I wouldn't ask neither would I be surprised if he's still going the Hands Solo route anyway. Mom's 89 and not so well physically. Point is...health is the first foundation for sexual function followed by mental attitude, spirit if you will.

As I've mentioned, ED wasn't an issue for me pre-op anymore than urinary problems were and post-op I'm totally satisfied with my progress. Surgery is traumatic, mentally and physically. Nerves are impacted even if 100% sparing is achieved. Regaining pre-op function at around 90% is my target. That would be an excellent result and I would think most men in their mid-50's who were happy pre-op would be delighted with that post-op if they are also staying cancer free.

I haven't read anything to suggest age-related ED is any worse for men post-prostatectomy than it is for others. The message I got from Dr Mulhall was that it was all about practicing the launch sequence as often as possible to rehabilitate and restore the tissue. Aim for blastoff but even an aborted mission is an attempt worth making! ;-)

Best...Steve

Comment by Bryan Caldwell on September 13, 2009 at 11:18am

Steve and others,

Just checking in. Surgery on the 19th of Aug. Where does the time go? The cooler weather of Fall is on it's way. We have had an unusually cool summer this year so I always wonder how we are going to have to "pay" for it later. I own a body shop so...gosh.... I hope we don't have a hard winter.......ha.

Function report. Yesterday was the first time I went without my "Manpers". Had a few drips here and there but manageable. I do better at night which is weird to me. I thought it would be worse because... duh....your asleep. I have to get up 2x during the night but stay dry. I find that toward to end of the day I have more control issues on the dripping.
I worked everyday of the 4 day work week last....week. From 6-9 hours a day. My wife has been sending me threatening text messages to come home....don't over due.....your AWOL ect. I've tried to reassure her I'm fine but she still gets alittle ticked off at me. The only adverse effect is getting over tired and wetting myself from time to time. One has to stay positive through this "deal" because if you stopped and thought about all the issues you have to overcome (and they could be much worse...I know) It might challenge your attitude. That's why we have this awesome site to "express" ourselves good or bad.
Now the ED side of things. I do not have any spontaneous erections as of yet but can when manipulated either by my dear wife or "Hans Solo" as it were achieve a reasonable 60-90% result. Have also found the ability to reach climax without a full on erection. I am assuming ANY blood flow to this area is a good thing but I am some what wondering if "going for" climax regardless of full on erection is O.K. or not. Is the goal 100% "up" or just stimulation,and if it is 100% "up" I cant sustain that without "going for it".
I guess the question is at this point in my recovery and without any vertical enhancing meds at this time am I helping myself with what I'm doing or not?
I don't want to limit my abilities in the future for "short term" gain right now.
And one more inquiry for the more seasoned veteran's out there. Setting aside any issues that would impact the sexual area anyway as we all age. Once after surgery you have regained erectile function do you retain it or are we more susceptible to "loss" in this area because of cancer and not having a Prostate.
Kind of wanting to look down the road abit and adjust my expectations if need be. I already know the sensation of the "climax" is somewhat diminished. Does that feeling grow stronger as I heal up and get back to 100% "expression". Thanks for your thoughts on the matter.

recovering well....Bryan

Comment by John Tassi on September 8, 2009 at 11:32am

Jack H.

I had a little dribbling after surgery, but it went away after 4 weeks or so. I've been totally dry since. Surgery was 2/2008. I think incontinence is due to what's been cut and the skill of the surgeon to put it back together.

Best of luck to all.

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